Horribly Wrong
by LemonyWickedAwesome
Summary: Ok, Mayuri is at it again with another stupid experiment! Thru a sudden change of events, this strange experiment causes everyone in the Soul Society to have some pretty naughty urges. LEMONS! Rated M for a reason kiddies. BTW, crack-pairings.
1. Chapter 1

**Lemony**: Hi-Hi! Lemony here! Anyways, this is a dare from a friend of mine, heh heh, Nin-Ni Chan is a bad influence on me. She said the idea came to here while she was making waffles!

**Wicked:** You and your friends are all idiots.

**Awesome:** Agreed.

**Lemony: **WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING? THIS IS MY STORY!

Synopsis (written by Nin-Chan): Mayuri is at it again in the Soul Society. A freaky experiment leads everyone to have some pretty bad urges, what's even worse the shinigami will release these urges in the weirdest way. There may be some M/F, Yaoi, Yuri, it just depends on Lemony's sick imagination. Ok, Story Time!

Horribly Wrong.

*Disclaimer* I don't own crap! I make no $$$

It was peaceful summer's day in the Serieti. Until…_BOOOOMMMMMM!_ The division 12 laboratory erupted as Captain Kurotsuchi emerged from a powdery purple smoke. A sadistic grin was plastered across his face as he looked into the uncaring eyes of his lieutenant, Nemu. The sickening smile got wider and his eyes lit up as if he where telling a joke.

"I have done it Nemu!" The mad scientist exclaimed, he was walking around spasmodically and gesturing wildly while muttering to himself. Nemu stayed as quiet as mouse, she knew better than ask what he done this time. She was sure he would tell her anyway.

"I have created a new weapon of biochemical-warfare! The days slinging Zampakto have come to end! MWHAHAHA!" Mayuri babbled, Nemu stayed silent. If he had really invented some kind of new weapon, what did it do exactly? Nemu figured it couldn't hurt to ask.

"What does it do Captain?" Nemu said barely above a whisper, Mayuri stopped scribbling down notes just long enough to tell her.

"Nemu, you stupid girl! You know not to ask me questions during an experiment! But I'm so filled with joy I'll tell you! Do you see this purple cloud?" Mayuri began pointing to the huge puff of lavender smoke, "If inhaled, this deadly toxin will kill an enemy on contact! The only people who are immune to it are soul reapers! I am a genius!"

Nemu had to fight the urge to roll her eyes, somehow she knew this would end badly, the same way all her Captain's experiments ended. Usually with someone getting hurt, and then Head Captain Yammoto come down to Division 12 and threatening him. Same old song and dance! Nemu knew her job was just smile and nod. Then someone burst in the door, it was Rin Tsuborkura. He looked around with a dumb expression on his face and that said it all, he had interrupted Captain Kurotsuchi during an experiment…again. With the sudden rush of air the purple cloud escaped out the door into the air outside. Mayuri was absolutely mortified.

"Rin you idiot!" He yelled, as he ran over to strangle the brown-haired boy. Rin tried to make a break for it, but he nowhere near as fast as the mad scientist.

"I'll kill you Rin! Do you realize what you have just done?" Mayuri hollered as Nemu looked on at the two shinigami wrestling on the floor.

"Gomen, gomen, gomen!" Rin sputtered, anger flashed in Mayuri's eyes as he glanced over to Nemu.

"I don't understand Captain, if it's harmless to shinigami, what's the problem?" Nemu asked softly, Mayuri's eyes flashed.

"What's the problem? The problem is that wasn't tested, it could have side effects other than death! I'LL KILL BOTH OF YOU IDIOTS!" Mayuri roared, and that was Nemu's cue to bolt out of the room leaving Rin to fend for himself.

"_Better you than me."_ Nemu thought as she sprinted around Division 12 barracks, she knew Mayuri would find her eventually, but she'd rather have later over sooner!

The early morning air breathed down upon the face of Division 10's Captain. The white-haired boy enjoyed the sunrise more than anything (other than watermelon). He watched as the sun crept over the horizon and gazed on as the mingle of colors swirled around. Strangely enough, there was more purple than usual. Hitsugaya chalked it up to being just another morning sunrise. But still, that was a little too much purple. He had begun to watch the sunrise when he was awaken by loud boom. After investigating and finding nothing, he figured it may have just been his imagination. But why so much purple in the sky this morning?

"_Something's not right."_ Toshiro's intuition said to him, but still, he couldn't find a plausible answer, even if there was one. He took a deep breath, after inhaling he had a sudden coughing fit. He was hacking as badly Ukitake on a good day!

"HACK, HACK, HACK, HACK," Toshiro coughed, it seemed he was choking on smoke. The whooping cough was so horrible, Toshiro fell to his knees. What was going on? He felt fine a second ago, and then the purple in the sky, what the hell was going on? Toshio's intuition was now screaming at him something was happening, but before he could figure out what, he thought it best to see Captain Unohana. While flash-stepping to the Division 4 barracks, graphic images began to play into Toshiro's head. Images of naked women sprawled all over the place, while he fucked them mercilessly. It made his cock unbelievably hard! Toshiro tried to force the images away, but they only came back with avengence along with his raging hard-on. Toshiro needed help. Bad. Something about this whole thing just wasn't adding up. The purple cloud, the coughing, then sudden arousal…As he ran Toshiro could practically hear the women in his ears…

"_Harder…Toshiro…"_

"_Right there…"_

"_Don't stop! Don't stop!"_

"Shut up!" Toshiro yelled aloud, he ran as fast as his little legs could take him, it seemed like he'd never get o Division 4! Toshiro's breathing became more labored as all the blood in his body rushed to his cock. Toshiro felt as if he where going to explode…and not in the good way. Finally after what seemed like an eternity of running, he finally made it to Division 4. The sun was now high in the sky and pale blue replaced with swirl of colors from the early morning, Toshiro didn't see the purple cloud anymore. That was a good sign, right? Right? Toshiro began to bang at the doors frantically,

"Captain Unohana! I need help!" Toshiro cried helplessly, he was no longer in control of his own libido and if he didn't get some help, he was certain he'd hurt someone. Unohana greeted him at the door, and saw him inside.

"Captain Hitsugaya, I'm afraid I have a dying patient to attend to. And you look fine, just a little flushed, but otherwise normal. Do you think you can wait?" Unohana said, Toshiro shot the healing women a deadly sideways glance.

"It can't wait, Captain!" He practically yelled, Captain was taken aback by the sudden outburst of the usually mild-mannered Captain. She sighed; you'd think she'd be used to angry patients by now.

"I can't help now Captain, but Isane can." Unohana offered, Captain Hitsugaya was beyond arguing at this point, he just wanted some help! But of all people, a lieutenant? To help a Captain? Really?

"Captain Hitsugaya, I see you in here." Isane said as she approached the boy Captain. Toshiro glanced to his side and his heart nearly stopped. He never notice Isane was so…tall. And so…pretty. And so...hubba hubba! Toshiro was practically drooling as he followed her into the next room. He hopped up on the cot and it wasn't at eye-level with Isane, instead he was looking right at her chest (of all the places).

"Ok Captain, how do you feel?" Isane question as she riffled through some medical cabinates.

"Hot." Toshiro breathed, Isane examined Toshiro's medical file.

"That's not good, it says here you're prone to migraines when you get hot.

"_I have migraine in my pants right now!"_ Toshiro thought as his eyes racked over the tall lieutenant. Isane returned the folder to the cabinet and bent down to retrieve a thermometer. Toshiro watched wide-eyed as Isane's round ass came into a perfect view.

"Isane, the bending needs to stop." Toshiro gasped as he sucked in a ragged breath, his cock throbbing painfully.

"Captain, I need to take your temperature." Isane said as she approached him once more, Toshiro felt his heart quicken. But why now? He had been this attracted to Isane or any women for that matter! All Toshiro knew was, Isane was hot and he needed relief. She popped the tool into his mouth and waited a moment.

"Hmm…110 degrees Captain your running a fever." Isane informed, and just then Toshiro Hitsugaya finally snapped…

"THAT'S YOUR FAULT!" He screamed at Isane. Poor Isane was so shaken she dropped the thermometer and looked at the irate Captain.

"W-wha-" Isane stammered, Toshiro glared at her with hungry eyes as if he where going to jump up from the cot and attack her. Isane slowly began to back away.

"You sexy, tall women…don't pretend like I didn't know what you where doing…" Toshiro purred, his natural suspicion and arousal where playing games with his head. He wasn't Toshiro any more; instead he was horny, irritated Captain.

"Captain I reall-" Isane was cut off by Toshiro pressing his lips to hers, he had stood up on the cot and leapt onto the unsuspecting women. He latched his legs around her waist and held on for dear life. Isane shocked, more confused than anything, didn't exactly know what do. Toshiro was absolutely heated, he didn't care that what he was doing was wrong, he just knew Isane was all his now! Feeling brave, he slipped a tongue into the reluctant lieutenant's mouth. Unfamiliar with this kind of contact, Isane moaned into this kiss. Although horribly wrong, this felt completely right…

"Isane…" Toshiro breathed, "I need you…"

Isane looked at him sloe-eyed, she didn't hear him. Isane wanted Toshiro to touch her, every part of her body, familiarize himself with her.

"Take off the robe." Toshiro growled, now Isane defiantly heard that part! Without any hesitation Isane disrobed and stood before the Division 10 Captain in nothing but white cotton bra and panties. Toshiro allowed himself to look at her, especially her legs.

"Your so tall, Isane." He whispered, Isane flushed a delicate shade of red.

"Its not attractive, I know." Isane said sadly, Toshiro quickly locked his arms around her thighs.

"Not at all," He said nibbling at her waist line catching the elastic of her panties between his teeth. Isane gasped, unable to expel air. She held her breath as her hands roamed thru Toshiro's white hair. She lowered her hands to Toshiro's shoulders, Isane feared she wouldn't be able to hold herself up. Toshiro placed kisses on Isane's naval, savoring the silver-haired woman's taste.

"_Better than watermelon…"_ He thought s he continued, Isane was lost to everything but Hitsugaya at this moment.

"Captain," Isane began, "what brought this on all of sudden?"

"Nevermind that, get on the cot Isane." Toshiro replied

Isane obeyed and swung her long legs over the cot. Toshiro unceremoniously disrobed down his boxer which where horribly tented. Isane glanced down and went wide-eyed.

"_So that's where all his height goes…"_ Isane thought with giggled, Toshiro narrowed his eyes dangerously.

"Something funny, Isane?" Toshiro questioned already knowing what she thinking. She wouldn't be laughing in few moments…

"Fuck the foreplay!" Toshiro swore as he mounted Isane. Isane, again taken aback, didn't know how to respond. She didn't have to. Her body responded for her with a sudden gush of lubrication. Toshiro, quite literally, ripped Isane's panties from her mid-section. Isane felt a knot pooling in her stomach, is this what being turned-on felt like? Because if so, Toshiro was doing a damn good job of it!

"God Isane…" Toshiro breathed looking down at her pink maidenhood, it was wet and inviting, but Toshiro need to her hear say it…

"Isane, tell me what you want…" Toshiro finished, Isane who had been thrown into another dimension finally spoke up.

"Fuck me, Toshiro." She uttered softly, and then all hell broke loose…

Toshiro plunged his aching hardness into Isane's core. He froze when he felt it convulse around him. Gods he needed this…he wanted this! Toshiro began to buck chaotically inside Isane who letting slur of obscenities and groans.

"Fuck! Toshiro! Ahhhh…" Isane moaned, with her egging him on, Toshiro thrust his hips ridiculously fast into the tall women.

"So good…Isane…" Toshiro growled looking down at the flushed women. Truthfully he could only see her naval, but nonetheless it was beautiful sight. Just as soon as it started it was over. Toshiro's loins began to quiver and shake like an earthquake, Isane trembled beneath as they pushed each other over the edge. With an ear-shattering cry they climaxed together.

"Isane…" Toshiro whispered, "Thank you."

"It's my job to help Captain." Isane replied looking at the young man. Groggily, Toshiro lowered himself onto the cot beside Isane, and they both fell asleep with Toshiro snoring while being held in Isane's arms.

Meanwhile outside, poor Unohana heard the WHOLE thing. Shocked, surprised, and highly embarrassed she thought it best not to interferer. Whatever Isane was doing was obviously helping the flushed Captain. Woozy from hearing their sounds of passion, Unohana excused herself.

"I need so air." She though as she exited the Divison 4 baracks. Outside, Unohana sighed heavily. What was the world coming to? She looked to the sky for answers. And boy did she get one.

"My, what a pretty purple cloud…"

Lemony: Ok really short lemon in this chapter. Consider it an appetizer, btw, I don't have a Beta so if I missed some stuff please let me know. AND REVIEW ME!


	2. Chapter 2

**Lemony:** So Nin-Ni Chan how did you like the first chapter?

**Nin-Ni Chan**: LMAO Lemony-chan, seriously Hitsugaya and Isane? The shortest person and the tallest person?

**Lemony:** It looked good in my head.

**Nin-Ni Chan:** So Unohana saw the smexy cloud?

**Lemony:** Yup,

**Nin-Ni Chan:** SO whose she gonna be paired with, I have to know!

**Lemony:** Read and find out.

Horribly Wrong

Chapter 2

"_My, what a pretty purple cloud."_ The healing women thought to herself, she was so put-off by hearing her lieutenant and Division 10 Captain going at it like rabbits, she didn't think the cloud was any danger…until…

"HACK, HACK, HACK, HACK, HACK!" Unohana got into a vicious coughing fit, she figured it was just shock sitting in. The coughing sent waves of strain to her chest as she fought to stand up. Holding onto her chest, Unohana looked down momentarily. When she looked to the sky, the mysterious purple cloud was long gone.

"_Maybe I'm just shocked,"_ She thought, _"I'm hallucinating."_ Yes, that made prefect sense, the most prude women in the Soul Society had just heard a fellow captain and her lieutenant fucking. So naturally, some reservations come with that. Ugh, Unohana could still hear Isane's rhythmic cries. Unohana furiously shook her head as if trying to shake the thoughts out. Figuring she had regained enough composure, Unohana went back inside. She walked along the hospital hallways, she kept her head clear as day. In fact, she momentarily forgot about her…um…well you know. Unohana returned to her office and thought it best to start on her paperwork; she'd do anything to keep her mind off what she had heard. But somehow, her thoughts roamed back to Hitsugaya and Isane.

"_How is that even possible, Isane is 6'1 and Hitsugaya is 4'4? I am so confused."_ She thought as she dejectedly continued her work. About halfway through the stack of paperwork, Unohana began to feel sleepy. That was definitely something that wasn't normal. Retsu Unohana was the practically the Energizer Bunny for God sakes! She never got tired! Not never! Unohana yawned and her eyes fluttered closed as she lowered her head to her desk.

"_What the hell?" Unohana thought she frantically glanced around; she was in her office still. But wasn't she just at her desk? How on earth did she end up standing the corner? She was startled by a sudden BANG! The sound echoed in her ears as she snapped her head to right to see what it was. Upon closer inspection, she saw a couple entering her office kissing and touching furiously. _

"_Huh?" Unohana thought as she got a better look at the couple, it was…her! Holy shit! She knew she was looking at herself because of the massive braid that sat on her chest and the white haori with the number 4 on the back. But what she couldn't see was the other person she was with…Unohana looked closer at the interlocked couple as they made their way across the room. The mysterious male hoisted her up and deposited her on the desk. He was standing between her spread legs on the edge of the desk. Ignoring the erotic sight before her, Unohana tried placing the male. He was wearing a Captain's haori. Ok, so he's a captain. Next Unohana noted the light colored hair, she quickly did a mental tally of all the captains with light hair. Let see, there was Toshiro, Jushiro, and Gin. He was certainly was a tall man, that automatically ruled out Toshiro. He had light hair, however it was very short. And that automatically ruled out Jushiro but then that meant…oh dear God…_

"_That's right…Retsu." Gin purred, he caressed each word, especially Unohana's name. This wasn't happening, Gin Ichimaru? Gin chuckled and looked at the flushed women, his serpentine eyes raking over her. Those red orbs where hungry and full of lust. Unohana blinked at the fox-faced man, stunned. Of all the people in the Serieti, she would have a wet dream about Captain Ichimaru! Unohana hadn't realized that her double had disappeared and she had taken its place. She was now sitting on the desk with her legs spread wide, and Gin positioned between. He chuckled once more as a harsh red crept across Retsu's face. _

"_I know you want this Retsu." Gin whispered in her ear, his hot breath tickling her neck. As much as Retsu's mind screamed at her to wake up, she couldn't. She was trapped in her own mind! Suddenly, Gin pressed his slender lips to hers, claiming her mouth and raping it with his tongue. Retsu, feeling Gin lean into her, slowly lowered herself onto the desk._

"_Ahh, and here I thought you'd fight it Retsu-san." Gin said letting his boney finger glide down her chest. Teasingly, he let his fingers dance around her white sash. Retsu was now panting and wanting more contact. Initially, it was her plan to deny Ichimaru, but damn, he was just making so difficult. Gin let the thin fabric slide through his hands before letting it drop to the floor. His eyes where glued on Retsu's flushed face, once her obi was freed, Gin parted her robes and sucked in a ragged breath. Gin drank in the sight of the healing women all clad in frilly black bra._

"_Wonderful…" Gin exhaled, Retsu felt heat pool at the bottom of her stomach. Gin was staring at her like she was banquet and as if he had never eaten. Feeling bold, Retsu pulled Gin into her and crashed her lips to his. It's amazing how much libido will change a person. Gin chuckled and found himself aroused at the sudden aggression. This was certainly a side of the healing woman no one had ever seen before! Gin let his hands travel down Retsu's sides, leaving a trail of fire in its wake. While their lips where still connected Retsu went to work on Gin's robes._

_Skillful hands undid the sash and let fall to floor, Retsu opened Gin's robes and let her hands explore his pale, slim chest. Gin's lean frame combined with his musculature made his body almost snake-like. And Retsu was lovin' it like a McDonald's BigMac. While Retsu explored Gin's slender chest, he familiarized himself with Retsu's breast. He squeezed and kneaded them through the bra, her nipples where now bullet-hard. That wasn't the only thing that was hard, Gin was pressing his erection on Retsu inner thigh causing the delusional women to moan at the contact. Gin clasped his slim hand around the center of the bra and pulled until hooks snapped, leaving Retsu's perky breast exposed. Gin hissed as he looked down at the creamy mounds of flesh. Retsu faltered under Gin's gaze; after all, she didn't want him to just look._

"_Like what you see?" Retsu said sexily licking her lips, Gin could only nod. Like what he saw? He loved it! For a smart women, Retsu just asked him a really dumb question._

"_You can touch them." Retsu whispered to Gin, hell he didn't need to be told twice! Gin let his hands roam all over Retsu upper body. He didn't just want her breast, he wanted everything! He touched her sides, her belly, and her lower back. Yes, Gin wanted all of her, and what Gin wants, Gin gets. Gin had to tear himself away from the aroused women, Retsu whimpered at the loss of contact. Gin faced her, he studied her closely. Retsu looked ravished, good. That's how Gin wanted her to look. Her massive braid was askew and draping over her shoulders and her entire body was flushed. Gin couldn't resist teasing her a bit more. Gin pulled what was left of his robes down to the floor and stepped out of them. Retsu's eyes where glued on his crimson boxers and the treasure they held._

"_Do you like what you see, Retsu?" Gin asked mimicking Retsu words. Retsu turned an impossible shade of red. Gin lowered his boxers to reveal pale cock. It sprang out and Retsu could have sworn it went BOONG._

"_Good lord…" Retsu thought as she looked at Gin's length, being an experienced doctor, she instantly had his measurements in her head. Gin was quite well endowed. Gin's manhood twitched and pointed directly at Unohana._

"_It would seem as though I'm in need of assistance." Gin purred eyeing Unohana's spread legs. Retsu shivered, she glanced down. Holy crap, where did the rest of her robes go? Nevermind that, where the fuck did her panties go? Retsu looked up when she heard Gin chuckle, lo and behold he was twirling Retsu's black underwear around his finger. Embarrassed, Retsu snapped her legs close. Gin's smile faltered a bit, but then widened from ear to ear._

"_Enough teasing, Retsu." Gin growled as he approached her, he pried her legs open and rubbed his length against her aching core. Retsu's legs buckled and locked around Gin's waist. Without warning, Gin filled her to hilt. Retsu let out a cry at the feeling of Gin deep inside her. Gods, it was beyond hot. It was scorching._

"_Ahh…Gin…" Retsu moaned as Gin slid his hardness deeper into her. Gin chuckled when he felt Retsu tremble. She thought she was shaken now; wait until Gin really got started. _

_And start he did. _

_Gin clutched the corners of desk and pressed harder into Retsu, she squirmed when her exposed back hit the cold desk. Now completely in control, Gin thrust chaotically into the healing woman._

"_GIN!" Unohana screamed as Gin frenzied hips plowed into her, he was going so fast his hips looked blurred. Unable to think, Retsu babbled incoherently as the fox-faced Captain claimed her body again and again. The desk shook and scratched the floor from their ministrations, one would think the desk would give way under this kind of stress. Digging his toes into the floor for better leverage, Gin's slanted eyes rolled into the back of his head as Retsu's dripping heat swallowed him. Retsu let utter string of obscenities, but began to scream them aloud when Gin found her sweet and slammed into it. Neither of them realized Gin's pushing caused the desk to slide across the room and crash into the wall._

"_Holy fuck!" Retsu swore, Gin's smile stretched across his face even farther. Twisting Retsu into angle and positioned her leg over his shoulder. Now he could reach that spot without even trying._

"_Lang…uage…Re..tsu!" Gin accented every word with a wild thrust, causing the healing women to shriek. Retsu's back arched as tight as cats, this was it!_

"_Gin! I'm gonna…I'm gonna…oh God!" Retsu gasped unable to finish her sentence because of Gin's crazed ramming. _

"_Going to come?" Gin teased quickening his pace (if that were even possible), Retsu trembled unable to find words. All she could do was hold on to the desk with her nails scratching into it. _

"_Come for me, Retsu." Gin groaned, his head snapped back in pleasure when he felt Retsu's sugary walls clamp down like a vice grip on him. Gin gritted his teeth together as he kept up his pace. Retsu orgasm took hold of her and squeezed down on Gin._

"_Retsu…Unohana…Captain…Captain…" Gin moaned,_

"CAPTAIN!" Insane shouted as she shook her unconscious Captain. Retsu's head shot off the desk and her blood-shot eyes looked at her worried lieutenant.

"Isane?" Retsu breathed looking up at the silver-haired woman; Isane looked worriedly at her Captain. She was sleeping at her desk, that was so unlike her and so Isane had every right to be frightened.

"I came in to tell you Captain Hitsugaya left." Insane explained, Retsu's eyes darted around the room. She was searching for the Captain of Division 3. However, he was nowhere to be found. Retsu was panting and couldn't seem hold air. She never had a wet dream! Not even when she was in the academy! Scared to death, Retsu bolted for the window and leaped out of it. A shocked Isane looked around frantically to where her Captain could have taken off to.

"Captain! Captain!" Isane called, but Retsu took off full speed away from Division 4 barracks.

Retsu ran as fast as her feet could take her, the air managed to cool her down. But she was still shocked, scared, and horny all in one!

What was going on?

First Isane and Toshiro and now this? Retsu just wanted to find a rock to hide under. While running Retsu managed to slam into someone. _WHAMMMM!_ Was the sound when she collided with the other person. Dizzy and disoriented, Retsu looked up into the cold grey eyes of the Captain of Division 6. Byakuya towered over the frightened woman. A little worried, more curious that anything, Byakuya Kuchiki bent down to examine to the shaken Unohana. Whatever she saw, it must have been scary as hell to have the calmest woman in the Sereiti terrified. He offered a hand to help her up, Retsu swatted his hand away.

"Don't touch me!" She yelled at the noble man, Byakuya was unfazed by the outburst as he retracted his hand. Retsu scrambled to her feet and took off once more, Byakuya shrugged uncaringly.

"_Must be something in the water at Division 4."_ He thought.

Byakuya continued about his early morning rounds, when he looked off in the distance.

"_What the-?"_ Byakuya thought as he zeroed-in on the strange sight before him. _"A purple cloud?" _

**Nin-ni Chan:** WOW! Lemony-chan, Gin and Retsu? Seriously? And now poor Byakuya saw the cloud!

**Lemony:** Yup our Bya-Boo saw the cloud. I wonder what'll happen…read and find out my lovelys! Don't forget to REVIEW ME…please…

**Nin-ni Chan:** Review her, Lemony will cry if you don't.


	3. Chapter 3

**Awesome:** Ok, Lemony just got her ass kicked in Tekken (I won).

**Lemony:** NO FAIR! You cheated! You play more than I do!

**Awesome:** Did you forget video games are my thing?

**Lemony:** for a minute there, yes. I'm not playing with you anymore!

**Wicked:** Come on now, Lemony don't be a sore loser.

**Lemony:** Hmm…your right Wicked! *hugs Wicked*

**Wicked:** Ewww! Affection! It burns!

**Lemony:** …

Horribly Wrong

Chapter 3

The elder Kuchiki glared at the strange lavender cloud trying to figure out what it was. It certainly was large and rather distracting; slowly drawing his sword Byakuya was ready to attack the puff of smoke. When suddenly…

"HACK! HACK! HACK! HACK!" Byakuya was struck by a sudden coughing fit, he was hacking so much he hadn't noticed he was kneeling on the ground. Once he recovered, he stood at his full height and scanned the skies for the mysterious cloud.

"_Hmm…."_ Byakuya thought,

Meanwhile, on the other side of Serieti, Mayuri was hard at work trying to locate the reckless cloud. Not to mention he was furious about Nemu running off, once he found the cloud he was certain he would throttle her! Mayuri had left Rin bloodied and beaten back at the lab.

"_That takes care of one idiot."_ Mayuri thought with a smirk as he continued his frantic search.

Byakuya had been hacking so badly, he decided to go home and lie down. He had heard a rumor that Captain Unohana wasn't herself, he figured he rather heal himself. Hacking, he flashed-stepped back to Kuchiki Manor. He tried to open the iron front gate, but found he was too weak to do it. Finally with enough force (and a quick slash from Senbonzakura) Byakuya managed to open the gargantuan gate. Hobbling into his bed room, Byakuya sprawled himself across his huge bed. He hacked once more, turning onto his back, Byakuya stared at the ceiling. Holy crap, why was ceiling spinning? Byakuya tried to get up, but found he couldn't. It felt like some placed a bolder on his chest. Byakuya let out terrible hack when he saw someone leaning over him.

"Nii-sama?" Rukia asked her flushed brother, Byakuya tried to look his sister in the face when he realized there where two of her!

"Rukia?" Byakuya sputtered, "when did you get a twin? I demand an explanation!"

Rukia examined her hallucinating brother. He was sweating profusely, he looked dizzy and had a crazed look in his eye. She placed a small hand to his forehead, he was burning up. Suddenly, Byakuya popped up and stood on his bed. He began to jump on it and sing(horribly I might add)

"WATCH ME, YOOOOUUUUU CRANK DAT SOULJA BOY!" Byakuya sang at the top of his lungs. Rukia was beyond shocked. As badly she wanted to laugh at her older step bother, she knew he wasn't himself.

"CAUSE DIS IS THRIIILLLLLERRRRR!" Byakuya continued to scream when he grabbed his crotch as Rukia tried to settle him down. But he was acting like a two year old. Byakuya was wildly gyrating his hips and flinging his arms at the invisible music.

"Nii-sama! Get off the bed! Your gonna hurt yourself!" Rukia scolded trying to calm the elder Kuchiki. Byakuya wasn't listening he continued to jump and dance around.

"ALL THE SINGLE LADIES! ALL THE SINGLE LADIES! IMMA PUT A RING ON IT!" Byakuya yelled while shaking his ass in Rukia's face. Finally having enough Rukia had to do something to help her Nii-sama.

"I'm going to get Unohana." Rukia said sternly while fighting to keep from blushing, Bykuaya suddenly stopped his wild dancing.

"You can't do thaaaaaat…" He slurred at Rukia, she quirked an eyebrow, like hell she wasn't going to get this damn fool some help.

"Unohana…ran away!" Byakuya cried, without warning Byakuya started balling! Crying like a small child, he turned and put his head in the pillow. Confused and frightened, Rukia patted her brother's back.

"Um…there, there Nii-sama." She cooed, "_I wonder who else can help…" _Rukia thought. Byakuya cried harder, but then stopped and stared at Rukia.

"I know who can help!" Byakuya exclaimed, rocketing back up and jumping on the bed.

"Who can help?" Rukia inquired, Byakuya wasn't listening instead he was singing some song about Scrubs.

"I DON'T WANT NO SCRUBS! RUKIA, YOU'RE A SCRUB! BWHAHAHAHA!" Byakuya laughed, then he stopped and stared at Rukia. She was frozen with fear as she contemplated what her delusional Nii-sama might do next.

"Rukia! Go get Nanao, she's smart! She can help!" He strained as he jumped around the bed. Rukia didn't waste any time bolting out of Kuchiki Manor and heading straight for Division 8. Upon arriving Rukia nearly broke down the down knocking. Nanao answered the knocks and faced with a panting Rukia.

"Rukia-san?" Nanao inquired, Rukia couldn't speak, she was too out of breath. Instead she grasp Nanoa by the hand and began flash-stepping back to Kuchiki Manor.

"Nii-sama (pant)…need help (pant)…your smart (pant)…" Rukia tried putting the sentence together but so far she could only get out a few words. She hoped Nanao was smart enough to comprehend what she said. Nanao had a guess about what was happening. The pair approached Kuchiki Manor and Rukia jogged the rest of the way to Byakuya's room. Both of them stopped short when they saw the eldest Kuchiki sprawled out on the floor at the foot of his bed. It wasn't the fact that he was just lying there, it was the fact his erection was pointing directly at the ceiling. Both the women exchanged looks of confusion as the slowly approached the raven-haired captain.

"Um…so what wrong with Kuchiki-sama?" Nanao asked Rukia, Rukia shook her head.

"I have no idea, at first he just looked sick, then he started to dance and sing, then he said to go and get you." Rukia explained, dance and sing? Nanao looked at Rukia as if she where crazy. This was Byakuya fucking Kuchiki they were talking about. Singing and dancing? He must be sick.

"Well, he um…looks like…" Nanao's voice trailed off as she stared at Byakuya's erection tented in his robes. Oh this was just wrong…just wrong…on some many levels.

"Nanao…" Byakuya uttered, both the female shinigami looked at the dizzy Captain.

"Yes, Captain Kuchiki?" Nanao asked hoping she could get a logical response from him.

"Take off your clothes." Byakuya demanded, Nanao shook her head.

"I don't think so, Captain Kuchiki." Nanao said, Byakuya quickly sobered and gave the small woman a sideways glance.

"Are you denying a Captain, Lieutenant Ise?" Byakuya asked seriously,

"Um…no of course not, Kuchiki-sama…" Nanao stammered, Byakuya laughed aloud.

"Just kidding, Nanao!" He laughed, "But seriously…take off your clothes."

Nanao looked at Rukia who was at lose for words. Rukia looked at her brother, then back at Nanao, then back at her brother. She was beyond lost.

"HELLLOOOO! Earth to Nanao! Get naked!" Byakuya yelled turning onto his side

"Rukia! Get out!" Byakuya shouted at his sister. Nanao gave Rukia that 'don't leave me' look, Rukia ignored her. She didn't want to be here when Byakuya let loose whatever he had in mind. Rukia bolted to the door and slammed it behind her, she made a mad dash to her bedroom, closed the door, and put her pillow over her head to block out any sounds.

Back with Nanao, she was struggling to contain the unruly Kuchiki. His was writhing on the floor as if in pain. Nanao quickly summed up that maybe a 'release' would help the poor noble. Nanao disrobed herself and the Captain then helped Byakuya to his feet, he toppled over onto his bed stiff as a board…no pun intended. Nanao realized, she had to swallow her fear and help Byakuya. Even though she felt dirty doing it. But its not she didn't want to…after all, what girl could honestly say they never fantasized about Byakuya? None. But now, Nanao was going to be able to live out her fantasy of having the noble man at her fingertips. This was no time to be shy, Byakuya needed this and Nanao could give it to him. Pushing all reservations to back her mind, Nanao straddled Byakuya with her legs on either side of him.

"I want you to know this means nothing, Kuchiki-sama." Nanao said seriously, looking down at the sloe-eyed. He nodded unlatching Nanao's bra and letting it slide of her shoulders. Byakuya felt his mouth watering, Nanao's breasts where bouncing mere inches away from his face. Not caring about anything anymore, Byakuya pulled one of Nanao's nipples into his mouth. Quivering, Nanao let out an obscenity as the noble moved to her other nipple. Sucking and slurping around her voluptuous chest, Byakuya devoured and squeezed the jiggling breast.

Nanao, completely lost to escatsy, ran her hands along Byakuya's chest. God, he was so muscular and sculpted. His muscles rippled beneath the surface of his skin as he leaned upwards to get mouthfuls of Nanao. Byakuya groaned causing Nanao to release a gush of lubrication. This was wrong, yes, but it felt so good. Byakuya let his fingers glide beneath Nanao, he pulled her panties aside and inserted a finger into her heat.

Nanao, distracted by Byakuya's tongue, hadn't realized where his hand went. She bucked upwards and arched her back in shock. Byakuya smirked when Nanao's head snapped back in pleasure. But Nanao wasn't one to be taken lightly, she leaned back and stroked Byakuya's length thru his boxers. Byakuya hissed as the small hand wrapped around his hardness. He arched upward into Nanao's touch. His slanted grey eyes stayed locked on Nanao's chest, while his steady fingers went wild exploring Nanao's sex. She was whimpering softly while straddling the elder Kuchiki.

Byakuya slowly but surely to Nanao to the edge when he suddenly withdrew his fingers. Nanao's moaned when he removed his hand. Never taking his eyes off Nanao, Byakuya brought his fingers to his mouth and licked them clean. Nanao eyes when impossibly wide at the erotic. Whether of not this was out of character for Byakuya, she had no idea he could be so sensual. The coldest man in the Soul Society was actually the hottest piece of man-candy.

Byakuya ripped the lining of Nanao's panties, causing the bi-speckled women to scream. She didn't care. They where just underwear. But what shocked her most was the desperateness Byakuya displayed. Byakuya position the tip of his manhood to Nanao's burning sex before stopping.

"Nanao…" Byakuya breathed, "lower yourself onto me…"

Nanao complied with his wishes and slowly let Byakuya sank into her. The pair gasped together. Byakuya's eyes rolled into the back of his head as Nanao stayed perfectly still.

"Now ride me." Byakuya commanded, Nanao listened. Hell, Byakuya could have told her to murder someone and she wouldn't have said no. Not in this situation at least.

Nanao rotated her hips at a languid pace letting herself experiment and try to find what worked best for her. She realized an up and down motion suited her and Byakuya. Nanao bounced on Byakuya's loins while gyrating in slow, insistent circles.

"Hold onto the headboard." Byakuya whispered, Nanao gripped the wooden furniture and waited for further instruction. Sweat trickled down Byakuya's forehead and collected at his brow. Now he wanted to have some control. Grasping Nanao's waist, he raised her slightly then brought her crashing down onto his pulsating cock.

"Shit!" Nanao swore as Byakuya repeat this action, again and again and again adding more power to each thrust. Then Byakuya did the unthinkable. While bringing her crashing down onto him, he started to thrust upwards meeting Nanao's quivering body on its way down. The sheer strength of his thrust caused the bed to shake as hard as Nanao.

"Byakuya!" She cried, Byakuya continued his merciless invasion of her womanhood, filling her to the hilt. He bit his lower lip to keep from moaning aloud. He only grunted at the heated contact. Meanwhile Nanao babbled nonsense words. So this is what it meant to be fucked silly. Byakuya release was quickly approaching, it didn't help that Nanao convulsed around him. His body shuddering, Byakuya stiffened in release. Nanao arched and cried Byakuya's names as her orgasm took over. The two shinigami looked at each with sleepy eyes.

Nanao managed to get off the now limp Byakuya and retrieve her clothes. Byakuya was falling in and out consciousness as he tried to recover from the longest, hottest release of his life. Now he felt better. Much better. Finally Byakuya drifted into sleep, Nanao (hearing him snore) excused herself. After all, her work here was done.

Showing herself out, Nanao walked steadily back to Division 8. She couldn't believe what had just happened. She had just rode the captain of Division 6. And rode him good! Until he turned the tables on her (which wasn't bad at all). While on her way back to Division 8, she ran into everyone's favorite fox-faced Captain.

"Good Morning, Nanao." The silver-haired man purred, Nanao bowed respectfully to Captain Ichimaru.

"Morning Captain." Nanao said with a huge grin plastered across her face, her smile was so long it reviled Gin's. Gin noted this and decided to press he woman for information.

"Why are we so happy this morning, hmm?" He questioned, Nanao grinned.

"It's just nice out." Nanao said continuing on her way. Gin shook his head; he'd recognize that smile anywhere. Nanao got some. Gin stared at where the woman had walked off to, when he heard a familiar sound. Glancing to his right, he saw the bi-speckled Captain of Division 5.

"Good Morning Captain Aizen." The fox-faced man greeted the brunette. His smile faltered when he saw the Captain making his way toward him while coughing violently.

"Good (HACK) Morning (HACK)." Captain Aizen coughed, Gin took a step back. He had heard that something nasty was going around the Soul Society and he didn't want to catch it.

"Are we not feeling well, Captain Aizen?" Gin asked already knowing the answer.

"The strangest thing, I just saw a purple cloud…" Aizen coughed

**Wicked:** Wow, who knew our baby sister wrote porn?

**Awesome:** and good porn at that!

**Wicked:** Please review Lemony, she'll lock herself in the bathroom if you don't.


	4. Chapter 4

**Lemony:** So Nin-Chan how do you like the story so far?

**Nin-Ni Chan:** *rotflol* HAHAHAH! Byakuya acting like an idiot! And the 'thriller' line was that a tribute to Michael Jackson?

**Lemony:** Of course, I love that song.

**Nin-Ni:** and 'all the single ladies' Lemony-Chan?

**Lemony:** that was a tribute to you, Nin-Ni, I know you love that song!

**Nin-Ni:** Thanks Lemony-Chan! So Aizen saw the cloud?

**Lemony:** Yup.

**Nin-Ni:** This I gotta see…

Horribly Wrong

Chapter 4

"A purple cloud, huh?" Gin questioned the coughing Captain. Aizen nodded.

"Yes a purple cloud." Aizen explained suppressing a cough, Mayuri was nearby and heard the conversation. He bolted over to see what effects the cloud were having on the brunette captain.

"Captain Aizen!" Mayuri exclaimed, "You saw the cloud?" Aizen looked at the crazed shinigami and nodded.

"It wouldn't have anything to do with you, would it?" Aizen asked terrified that he had been caught up in one of Mayuri's deranged experiments. Oh, Aizen didn't know how scared he should be.

"Um…yes and no…" Mayuri scratched the back of his head sheepishly, Aizen cocked his head and quirked an eyebrow.

"Yes and no?" Aizen repeated, Mayuri nodded like a small child. "Well then, I will alert Head Captain Yammamoto." Aizen finished, Gin smile stretched. Gin knew good and hell well that Mayuri was gonna get it when old man Yammamoto found out about this.

"Another experiment gone haywire. That's the third time this month, Captain." Gin teased the mad scientist who was now sweating bullets. Aizen had already run off to tell Yammamoto. Mayuri had better think of an explanation…and fast!

Surely enough, Aizen (the big snitch) managed to get word back to the Head Captain. And surely enough the old man demanded an explanation. So he rallied all the captains to the meeting quarters. Unohana managed to make it, however she looked tired as hell and all fucked up. Her hair was messy and she had bags under her eyes so deep she could bury herself in them. Not to mention she was twitching uncontrollably. Then there was Captain Hitsugaya was panting and fanning himself, he was sweating horribly and left a puddle on the floor where he stood. And poor Captain Kuchiki was dancing around like imbecile!

"Captain Kurotsuchi! What is going on here?" Yammamoto bellowed, examining his crazed Captains. Mayuri stayed silent and pretended he didn't hear the old man.

Big mistake.

"CAPTAIN KUROTSUCHI!" Yammamoto hollered at the mad scientist. Mayuri gulped, this was it. He might as well just shared what he heard around the Soul Society. And he had heard a lot.

"It started out as an experiment…" Mayuri began, Yammamoto rolled his eyes. Not this again!

"Just explain what its doing to my Captains, I'm already aware it's in the form of a purple cloud." Yammamoto demanded,

"Well," Mayuri began turning to Toshiro, "it causes Captain Hitsugaya hot flashes."

Yammamoto looked at the boy captain who had sweat trickling from his forehead. Toshiro realized he had to finish explaining.

"The heat only goes away when I…er…release, Head Captain." Toshiro stammered, Yammamoto's eyebrows rose so high they threaten to detach from his head.

"Release?" Yammamoto repeated, oh no. Mayuri's experiment had sexual side effects!

Brilliant. Just friggin' brilliant.

"And what of you, Captain Unohana?" Yammamoto asked glaring at the shaken women.

"I can't close me eyes without…without…" Unohana strained, Yammamoto put up his hand to silence her.

"Say no more." The elder commanded, he then looked at Byakuya who was busy slow grinding on the wall. Shunshei put his hand over his mouth to keep from laughing.

"Captain Kuchiki?" Yammamoto asked the elder Kuchiki worried at how he might respond.

"MY MILKSHAKE BRINGS ALL THE BOYS TO THE YARD!" Byakuya sang, Yammamoto instinctively took a step back. Byakuya approached the older male.

"Head Caaaapppppttttaaaiiinnnn…" Byakuya slurred bending down to be at eye-level with elderly man.

"Why is the McDonald's sign yellow?" Byakuya questioned blinking wildly, Yammamoto shrugged.

Finally Shunshei lost it! He cracked up laughing at the silly display, this was by-far one of Mayuri's funniest experiments. Byakuya danced his way over to Toshiro and began to accost the boy captain.

"He's a little tea pot, short and stout! HAHAHAHA, here is his handle, here is his spout" Byakuya laughed pointing to Toshiro's crotch, the other captains where turning blue by trying to hold in their laughter. Toshiro shrugged off Byakuya who continued to dance like he was crazy.

"Captain Kuchiki! Stop this childish display, immediately!" Yammamoto yelled, Byakuya shot Yammamoto a dirty look.

"Shut up! You're not my daddy!" Byakuya cried, without warning the elder Kuchiki burst into tears! Byakuya was balling like one-year old in front off all his peers.

How embarrassing.

Ukitake watched the display, and realized he was the only one with any good experience with children (having 7 siblings will do that). The white-haired captain hugged and cuddled a crying Byakuya.

"There, there. It's ok. Shhh…" Ukitake cooed rocking Byakuya back and forth in his arms; Byakuya calmed a bit and looked at the sickly captain.

"He…yelled(sniff)…at me…" Byakuya sobbed, Ukitake rubbed the back of Byakuya's head and shushed him more.

"Its ok, Yammamoto's just being mean. It's ok Bya-Baby…" Ukitake continued, he reached into his robe pocket and pulled out a lollipop. Ukitake dangled the candy in front of his eyes. Byakuya's mouth watered as he snatched the candy out of Ukitake's hand. Quickly unwrapping his sweet, Byakuya settled down with the sucker in his mouth. Sitting cross-legged, the elder Kuchiki watched the rest of the Captains go about their business.

Yammamoto sighed; he opened his mouth to speak when he was distracted by moan. His head snapped to Captain Unohana who was lying on the fetal position on the ground.

"Someone wake her up!" Yammamoto snapped fully annoyed with all his captains. Toshiro began to sway back and forth, he threatened to swoon. Yammamoto knew he had to make this quick.

"All captains, with the exception of the affected, will find this cloud." Yammamoto commanded. The rest of his commands where interrupted by a thump, Toshiro had finally fainted from the heat. With what little sanity she had, Unohana tended to the boy captain.

"You are all dismissed." Yammamoto finished. Yammamoto pinched the bridge of his noise.

"_I'm getting to old for this." _

Aizen went to work searching for the cloud. There was no way in hell one of Mayuri's stupid experiments where going to ruin his master plans. He was relived neither Gin nor Tousen was affected by the cloud. All he had to do now was fight off any perverse effects that he may have. While making his rounds around Division 5 Aizen began to feel…itchy. Itchy? What in the hell? Aizen began to scratch all over, he felt as if something was crawling on him. There was one itch on his back he couldn't seem to reach no matter how much he stretched. Aizen, getting frustrated enough, unsheathed his zampakto and started to scratch his back. The blade worked miracles, not to mention it tore apart his captain's haori. This is was not good…

**Nin-Ni Chan:** LEMONY! Your so evil, a cliffhanger?

**Lemony:** MWHAHAHAA! This chapter will remain a cliffhanger unless I get some friggin' reviews. Bye, Bye for now…


	5. Chapter 5

**Awesome:** Lemony! Come out of the bathroom!

**Lemony:** No! I feel so unloved, people aren't reviewing me!

**Wicked:** Lemony, I've got twizzlers (those are Lemony's weakness).

**Lemony**: Slide em' under the door.

**Awesome:** This isn't working.

**Wicked:** LEMONY! Get out of that bathroom or else…

**Lemony:** Or else what?

**Wicked:** I'll post your diary on Fanfiction.

**Lemony:** You wouldn't…

**Wicked:** Ohh….entry#67 "Things I would do to Gin Ichimaru…first I would suck his-"

**Lemony:** *wielding a hairdryer" Step away from the diary!

**Awesome:** Now that's better, now post the new chapter!

Horribly Wrong

Chapter 5

This was bad.

Aizen was itching like crazy, this was all Mayuri's fault!

"_Damn him!"_ Aizen thought wildly scratching his sides. Aizen gritted his teeth together, the itching had finally taken over.

"_Ignore it, ignore it!"_ He commanded his brain, Aizen tried his best to continue about his rounds only to be irate by the itching. Aizen groaned at the discomfort, he felt as if he were being poked by sowing needles. He kept his arms glued to his sides, he wasn't going to give in. He was Sosuke Aizen! He never gave in to anything! And certainly wouldn't start now.

Period.

Done.

End of story.

So then why in the hell did he start scratching his head. Aizen got tried of scratching thru his robe; he just shrugged off his upper part and went to work on his chest and shoulders. It was an itch, no matter how hard he scratched, that wouldn't go away! He felt like he was being eaten alive by fleas! Damn that Mayuri! Ugh, he itched everywhere! Even places his shouldn't.

Aizen hadn't realized that he had made his way to Division 10. He remembered Captain Hitsugaya was being detained at Division 12 so the barrack was leaderless. Aizen figured that he'd do his rounds here then go back to Division 5 to seek some release. Entering the barracks, Aizen's itch seemed to get worse. He got to the point where he was scratching thru his skin. Aizen glanced around; there was not a soul reaper in sight. He leaned on a nearby wall, the chaotic scratching had finally tired him out. He frowned as he scratched his nose. What was he going to do? If he got caught, he would be held at Division 12 and he had enough of freaky experiments for one day! Suddenly, Aizen began to shake. What started as a little shiver became violent convulsions. Aizen fell to the ground face-first and withered and shook on the ground. His muscles were spasming and tightening all over. His brown-eyes whirled into the back of his, only exposing the white. Finally his entire body arched upwards and his body bulked up, he was jaw was square and his eyebrows became thick and unruly. Aizen's teeth became large and squared out, giving him the appearance of growling.

A transformed Aizen stood slowly, his large muscle mass swayed from side to side. His wild eyes darted around the barracks, his large nose sniffed the air. He caught a whiff of something familiar.

"Female." The giant growled, walking on bent legs while leaning on his knuckles, a now ape-like Aizen made his way through Division 10. His large nostrils continued to suck in air while he was in search of female. He had the scent and followed it all the to Division 10's living quarters. Once he found the source of the smell, ape-Aizen practically knocked down the door and bolted into the room.

The room reeked of female, Aizen sniffed the air again and got a good enough scent, the scent of women! Aizen followed the aroma to a wooden contraption. His human-mind remembered this was called a dresser. Aizen ripped the drawers open and searched for the scent.

He found it.

In the form of frilly, lacy things. Ape-Aizen held up one of the stringy things and sniffed it, yes it had the scent!

Meanwhile Lieutenant Mastsumoto and Lieutenant Hinamori where heading back to Division 10 barracks, they had been conversing about today's events.

"I CAN'T believe my Captain only gets better when his comes." Matsumoto exclaimed, Momo turned a deep shade of red. She really didn't want an image of her childhood friend fucking in her mind.

"Did you hear about poor Captain Unohana?" Momo asked the buxom woman, Rangiku nodded.

"Yup, and what of that Captain Kuchiki?" Rangiku thought aloud, they rounded the corner to living quarters, when the pair came across pieces f shattered wood. The women exchanged looks and drew their zampakto, it was bad enough Captains where going insane, they didn't need any more surprises. They cautiously followed the wreckage to Rangiku's living quarts. The pair heard something grunting…Turning the corner, zampakto's drawn, the pair began to charge but stop short when saw it…

"CAPTAIN AIZEN?" Momo shouted in disbelief, Rangiku dropped her sword and stared on. Momo was stunned. Ape-Aizen was masturbating while holding Rangiku's underwear up to his nose. Ape-Aizen was pumping his hand aggressively. Momo and Rangiku didn't know whether to attack or be grossed out. Momo studied her Captain, he looked like one of those things from the world of the Living…what where those things called? Oh yeah, a gorilla! Ape-Aizen didn't stop pleasuring when he saw the couple gawking at him, when suddenly the smell of female overran his nostrils. Ape-Aizen stood at his full height and glared at the pair, Momo and Rangiku couldn't move, they where too shocked. Aizen pointed a bulky finger at Rangiku.

"Female." Ape-Aizen growled at Rangiku, he lunged for the busty woman. Poor Rangiku was so taken aback, she didn't even think to get of the way. Ape-Aizen wrapped a colossal arm around Rangiku's waist. Using his free hand, Ape-Aizen pushed Momo into the wall, knocking her unconscious. Ape-Aizen tossed Rangiku over his shoulder and took off with her.

"HELP!" Rangiku cried, this wasn't happening! She just kidnapped by a Neanderthal! Rangiku knew one day her looks would get her into trouble because now she was going to be raped by a Captain turned chimpanzee! Rangiku pummeled the animal's back and demanded he let her go. Ape-Aizen was running at a ridiculous speed back to a place of familiarity…Division 5's living quarters. Aizen stopped running and lowered the red-haired woman.

"Me male. You female. We mate." Ape-Aizen grunted at Rangiku, suddenly she realized something. If her captain got better because he came, maybe that was the same case for Captain Aizen! She wasn't against the idea…but she wasn't for it either! Captain Aizen was good-looking…well maybe not now. But hopefully he would get better.

"Captain, what's your name?" Rangiku questioned the beast, ape-Aizen grunted.

"Me Aizen." It answered corrected,

"_Ok, so he still think…just barely…"_ Rangiku thought, she decided to ask another question.

"What's my name?" Rangiku asked, Ape-Aizen growled angrily. Rangiku stood her ground, she remember something about when animals where in heat they were dangerous but if you stood your ground they wouldn't attack.

"You Rangiku." The beast answered correctly once more.

"_Ok so Captain Aizen is in there."_ Rangiku thought with hope, it wasn't too late for him yet! She continued her questioning.

"Are you a captain?" Rangiku asked, ape-Aizen stamped his large, hairy feet angrily.

"Aizen head hurt!" Ape-Aizen howled, "We mate now!"

With that said, Ape-Aizen snatched a fistful of Rangiku's hair and dragged her back to Division 5. Aizen's human mind had forgotten how to open doors, so he just kicked them in. Aizen thru Rangiku carelessly onto his bed, Rangiku backed up to his head. She knew she wasn't getting out of this unscathed. So she gave in.

"Wait, wait, wait!" She commanded Ape-Aizen as he approached her on the bed; he was looking at her as if she were prey. He was ready to pounce, but his human mind heeded her warning.

"No wait." Ape-Aizen said, "We mate now."

Rangiku was done trying to reason with the caveman. She figured the sooner she got this over with, the sooner she could get some consoling. Rangiku began to strip off articles of clothing, with ape-Aizen watching her the whole time. His human and primal mind were enthralled. Once Rangiku stood bucked-naked She sat on the bed and glared at ape-Aizen with evil and worried eyes. She wasn't sure if she was willing to help the sick Captain. She had to keep telling herself that this was Captain Aizen. With an before and after image in her head. Rangiku lay back and spread her legs wide as she waited for the animal to do something. Aizen's human brain was telling this was the missionary position, while his primal brain was confused. They didn't mate this way! Hus primal took over and grabbed Rangiku by her ankle and roughly flipped her onto her stomach. Rangiku understood immediately what the creature was doing. Ape-Aizen mounted the frightened woman. Rangiku shook violently; this was the weirdest sexual encounter she ever had. This was borderline bestiality for God Sakes! She kept telling herself, 'do it for the captain!' Just then Ape-Aizen shoved his cock deep into Rangiku filling her entirely. Ape-Aizen smashed into Rangiku's body with all the furry he could muster. Rangiku whimper, it hurt like hell, but it was a good kind of hurt. Actually, this wasn't so bad. Aizen's body began to shake as his thrust into Rangiku, his muscle mass was decreasing and he was slowly returning to normal.

"Rangiku, its working!" Captain Aizen panted, Rangiku let out a squeal as Captain Aizen hit her sweet spot.

"Keep…going…" Rangiku moaned, Aizen complied. Like he was really going to stop in the first place. Two things where happening here: One Aizen was returning to normal, and two he was having sex with a beautiful woman. How was this wrong?

Aizen began blessing Mayuri in his head as he continued to fuck Rangiku. This was he's way of thanking her, by fucking her into conniptions.

In swift, smooth motions, Aizen filled Rangiku constantly crashing into her g-spot.

"Cap…Aiz…" Rangiku stuttered, now she was the one who couldn't form sentences. Aizen grunted in pleasure. Rangiku's tighten sleeve clasped Aizen's cock as he rode her from behind.

"_Mayuri's a fucking genius!"_ Aizen thought grasping Rangiku's waist and pulling her into him. Sweat collected at Rangiku's furrowed brow, this wasn't bad at all. Captain Aizen was better than she could have possibly imagined. Whether or not his primal side was responsibly for the best fuck in her life, Rangiku knew one thing, she going to be thanking Captain Kurotsuchi after this. Murky liquid began to coat Aizen's cock, making it glisten. Rangiku buried her face in Aizen's pillow, it smelled just like him. Aizen thrust harder and faster, he kept this pace. He managed to get a fistful of Rangiku's hair and gently pulled her head up, her back arched causing her walls to tighten around him. Rangiku bit her lip to keep from moaning, she didn't want Captain Aizen to know she secretly wanted this. With his free hand, Aizen gripped Rangiku's waist. His finger dug into her skin, leaving five perfect finger marks. Sweat rolled down Aizen's chest and his balls tightened. This was it. He wasn't the only one on the verge of release, Rangiku's silky sleeve squeezed Aizen's length. Rangiku came with a cry and Aizen with a soft grunt.

A now fully human Aizen toppled onto the bed, gasping for air. He looked at the flushed, red-haired woman. Rangiku turned onto he side and stared at the fully restored captain.

"Thank you, Rangiku." Aizen said sincerely, Rangiku nodded, she couldn't speak two words if she tried.

The exhausted lovers curled up together and before they knew it, they where both sleeping. Yes, Aizen would certainly be thanking Mayuri.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the Soul Society, Captain of Division 8 looked to the skies trying to locate the evil cloud of horniness. One way or another, he was getting laid. He just using this as an excuse.

**Wicked:** Now that's much better.

**Awesome:** Do you still have her diary?

**Wicked:** Yup,

**Awesome:** Let me see…hmm…entry #68 "Thing I want Grimmjow Jaggerjack to do to me…first I want him to.." Eww GROSS!

**Wicked:** Review Lemony, or we'll post these journal entries. (I was probably gonna do it anyway.) But still, review her.


	6. Chapter 6

**Lemony:** *points hairdryer at Wicked* Give…me…my…DIARY!

**Wicked:** *holds hands up* Lemony, put the hairdryer down and we can talk about this…

**Awesome:** Oh man, your gonna have split-ends to next Tuesday! *backs away*

**Lemony:** Give me the dairy, and no ones hair will get hurt.

**Wicked:** I don't have the diary! Awesome does!

**Awesome:** I don't have the stupid dairy! Don't come near me with that thing Lemony!

**Lemony:** I better have my Diary by the end of this chapter or someone's GETTIN' HAIR DAMAGE TONIGHT!

Horribly Wrong

Chapter 6

Shunshei paced back and forth. How hard could it be to find a stupid cloud? Ugh, he was never gonna get to see how the cloud affected him! The thought frustrated the captain, he wanted to get laid…well with or without cloud. Shunshei continued about his rounds until he ran into Captain Soifon.

"Afternoon Captain," Shunshei greeted the small woman, Soifon nodded in acknowledgement. She was walking opposite him, Shunshei stopped her.

"I've already searched that side of Serieti. I got nothing." Shunshei said sadly, Soifon blinked at the brown-haired Captain. Was he really trying to find this cloud just to see what it did to him? Did he not hear about what happen to Captain Aizen? Shunshei was real idiot. Soifon shook her head, refusing to acknowledge the silly captain. There was no telling how much more damage this idiotic experiment of Mayuri's would cause. So, Soifon made it her business to put an end to this evil cloud of horniness. Double checking Shunshei's work, she looked to sky and didn't see anything. Suddenly she heard Shunshei curse loudly,

Bolting back to where Shunshei was, Soifon saw the brown-haired Captain was having a coughing fit. He was doubled over and holding his gut while hacking. When he straightened he had a huge smile plastered across his face.

"I found the cloud." He coughed, Soifon studied him,

"Why didn't you try to stop it?" She demanded, Shunshei shrugged,

"I couldn't. It was too strong." He lied with a smile that rivaled Ichimaru's, Soifon wanted to wring his neck! If the damned cloud was too strong Shunshei wouldn't be standing here! Shunshei was an irresponsible idiot! As badly as Soifon wanted to draw her zampakto, she knew better than to take it to another captain. That would get them nowhere and they'd be out another captain! Ugh, why was she forced to work with such idiots? Instead of acting out with a temper tantrum, Soifon turned on her heels and walked away from the irritating Captain.

Ah-ha! Success, Shunshei had found the cloud, now all he had to do was wait and get in the presence of woman and he'd get his! As stealthy as spy, Shunshei snuck out of the Serieti and headed to Rukon District to find one of his many paramours. Surely he found one he was fond of named Kione. He stayed with her and waited for the cloud to take effect. An hour passed.

Then another.

Then another.

And still nothing.

Furious Shunshei stormed back to the Serieti and marched to Division 8. He angrily went to the living quarters. Once he unlocked his room, he jolted in and slammed the door behind him.

"_Stupid cloud."_ Shunshei thought leaping onto his bed, _"it affects everyone but me!"_ He put his hand underneath his pillow and felt something…like paper? He took the object from under his pillow and held it up. A copy of PlayShinigami? And a note, it read:

_Dear Shunshei,_

_Don't ask me how I knew that cloud wouldn't affect you. But I hope this keeps you company._

_-Soifon. _

Shunshei shrugged; well this was better than nothing. He eyed the cover and his mouth formed a small 'o'.

"Ohh….Bankai-Boobs!" Shunshei exclaimed. So the cloud didn't effect him, he was still getting laid. Even if it meant he would be laying himself.

Meanwhile, a very irate Captain Zaraki was doing rounds around the Soul Society. Of all things he could be doing, he was 'cloud hunting' as Yachiru so colorfully put it. Kenpachi demanded she stay at the barracks and not leave until this whole cloud situation was taken care off. Having his daughter fight hollows was one thing, but being affected by a sex-cloud was another. Regardless, what father in his right mind would let his daughter accompany him on this type of assignment anyway? Especially one as young as Yachiru? Kenpachi scoffed at the thought, he was no irresponsible parent when it came to sexual matters concerning Yachiru. There just one problem with leaving Yachiru at the barracks…he didn't know where the fuck he was going! So far, all he had done was wonder, the streets where completely empty. Head Captain Yammamoto had cleared the streets of lower ranked shinigami and civilians. The only people allowed on the streets now where lieutenants and few captains left. The cloud was picking off captains like flies, needless to say Kenpachi wasn't scared. There was no way in hell was gonna let some pansy-ass cloud get the jump on him!

Kenpachi walked at a steady pace with his jagged zampakto drawn. If anyone could bring down this cloud, it would be Kenpachi Zaraki. He remember Yachiru reciting some sill chant that went 'Kenny! Kenny! He's our man, if he can't do it no one can!' or something along those lines. Kenpachi felt a breeze and looked to the sky. And as luck would have it! A purple cloud! Jackpot!

"HEEE-AHHHHH!" Kenpachi screamed lunging at the cloud and slicing it with his zampakto. The air ripped thru the cloud, only to have the powdery substance close in around him. Kenpachi had lost all his breath screaming and inhaled a good amount of air. The chemicals in the cloud worked their way into Kenpachi's lungs as he coughed. Kenpachi was cutting wildly at the cloud until holding his breath made him go light-headed. Finally he passed out falling from mid-air.

"_Where the fuck am I?"_ Kenpachi thought, he had been out-cold for about thirty minutes. His head was pounding and mouth tasted like ass. Kenpachi stood and scanned the skies, the cloud had vanished!

"Damn…" Kenpachi seethed. Well, so much for getting the cloud. Suddenly a female voice caught his attention.

"Hey you there! Head Captain specifically asked for all Soul Reapers to be off the streets!" The voice shouted, Kenpachi knew that frustrating voice anywhere!

Momo Hinamori approached the battered captain. She had a band-aid over her head and real _scary_ look on her face.

"What are you talking about?" Kenpachi demanded of the small woman.

"No Soul Reapers on the street! No give me your name, Division, and your seating." Momo commanded. Zaraki smirked,

"Kenpachi Zaraki, Division 11, first seat!" He said sarcastically, Momo looked at him like he was crazy.

"Yeah right. Now your real name, this is a matter of crisis," The lieutenant said, Zaraki rolled his eyes.

"I just told you! Isn't it bad enough I got sick from that stupid cloud, and now I'm getting interrogated by someone of a lower rank than me!" Zaraki ranted, Momo's eyes went impossibly wide.

"Captain Zaraki?" Momo asked in disbelief, Zaraki put his hands on his hips.

"The one and only." He commented, Momo blinked to make sure she wasn't hallucinating. That explained why he had a white haori!

"Captain, have you seen yourself?" Momo asked worried, Zaraki shook his head. Suddenly Momo grabbed the captain by his hand and ran him over to barrel of water. Zaraki looked down at his reflection and…

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Meanwhile at Division 11 headquarters, little Yachiru heard an unholy scream.

"_That sounded like Kenny!"_ She thought, she dropped her crayons and made mad dash to the door only to have her way be blocked by Ikkaku and Yumichika.

"Where do you think your going?" Yumichika asked the pink-haired girl, Yachiru scowled.

"I'm going to find Kenny!" The child exclaimed, Yumichika looked down at Yachiru.

"Oh no you don't peep-squeak. The Captain gave us direct orders to keep you here." Ikkaku said. Yachiru scowl became black, she knew there was getting pasted these two. Even though, it wouldn't hurt to try.

"What happened to my face? Its…its…" The demon Captain stammered, Momo looked at the reflection his mouth agape

"You look younger Captain." She said, Zaraki looked at the girl. His expression was absolutely dreadful.

"Younger? Younger? I look like teenager!" Kenpachi shouted, then he realized something. He quickly undid his obi and examined his manly parts.

"Oh dear god I am teenager!" Kenpachi had never cried in his life, but hell, there was first time for everything!

"The cloud must have made you younger! And the only known cure for cloud-affects is a…release." Momo explained to the teenage captain, Kenpachi gritted his teeth.

"I'm going to KILL Mayuri!" He seethered looking over his teenage body. He was noticeably smaller, his hair was shorter and his face less angular. He looked like a gothic/rockstar-pretty boy!

Oh yeah, Mayuri is as good as dead.

Dead!

Kenpachi swore to KILL him DEAD!

"What are we gonna do?" Kenpachi asked the lieutenant, a light blush crept across Momo's face. She knew what the had to do. She looked over the worried Captain, he was actually…quite good looking. Momo always figured he had a rough appearance because he was battle-scared, but now he looked half-way normal if not better than normal. The captain met Momo's gaze. Oh dear gods…

"No." Kenpachi said dryly, Momo frowned,

"But what if you keep aging backwards? Until you where never born? I'm sure you don't wanna die that way." Momo explained, Kenpachi studied the girl. Dammit! She was right, this was not how he wanted die! He wanted to die on the battlefield! Like all great warriors. Not die because of a hair-brained experiment.

"Alright, but lets make this quick." Kenpachi, Momo smirked,

"You're a teenage boy, 'quick' is your middle name." Momo laughed, Kenpachi glared oh if this worked she wouldn't laughing once he got a hold of her…if did work that is…

"Ok, we'll go back to Division 5, I don't want anyone to see me like this!" Kenpachi said as he abandoned his Captain's haori leaving it on the ground. Running as fast as his legs could take him, Kenpachi followed Momo back to Division 5. Kenpachi couldn't believe this! He was following a lieutenant half his age (well was his age) back to her living quarters so he could be cured.

Once the made it to Momo's living quarters, Kenpachi was thrown onto her bed. Momo wasted no time pulling the two-sizes-to-big robes off the teenage Kenpachi. Kenpachi's mind was all adult, but his body responded the same way a younglings might!

Which was not good.

This was embarrassing enough. Kenpachi didn't know what was worse. The fact that he had been turned into a teenager. Or the teenage girl throwing herself at him! Mayuri+Kenpachi= Dead Mayuri was the equation going thru Kenpachi's mind. Momo suddenly straddled the humiliated captain and pulled him into a searing kiss. Momo thought this day would never come! She had always had a small crush on the rugged captain of Division 11. Maybe it was the fact that he liked to fight, or that he was killer, or badboy, or that he was just dangerous. Momo didn't know, she only knew she steal glancing at him while Captain Aizen wasn't looking.

While in the kiss Kenpachi, strangely enough, found himself thinking. When was the next time a woman was going to be this willing? Not never. So he figured…

Fuck it.

He leaned into the kiss, Momo moaned in response. Although a adolescent, Kenpachi stiil had quite the muscled chest and defined stomach. To which, Momo let her fingers glide over it. Kenpachi was impressed with girl's aggressiveness; she would have made a hell of a member of Division 11. But instead she was with that four-eyed Aizen. Kenpachi opened Momo's robes and unceremoniously unlatched her bra. Her breast popped out and greeted him with bullet hard nipples. Momo sucked in a ragged breath when the cold air hit her chest. Kenpachi quickly latched onto the nipple, his sharp teeth piercing the sensitive bud. Momo groaned, if this was what juvenile-Kenpachi was like she could only imagine what the adult-Kenpachi could do. Momo felt heat collect below her naval; she was turning herself on at the thought. Kenpachi was mesmerized at how he was reacting, yes, he was acting like a horny teen.

Who cares? He had a horny girl so he had no problems. Momo felt that she sitting on a bulge. And she had idea what that bulge was. From what she could feel, Kenpachi was friggin' huge! And if this was his size as an adolescent…oh dear God. Momo groaned, she had to turn her brain off before Kenpachi had a chance to do anything to her! Kenpachi rolled the harden nipple between his fingers and let his tongue work on the other. He may have been a teenager, but he was defiantly about to show Momo so grown man things. Flipping the sloe-eyed lieutenant onto her back, Kenpachi thru the girl's legs over her shoulders. He stared down at the flushed girl, his cock positioned at her entrance as if it had a mind of its own. Although he was against it, Kenpachi was going to enjoy this. He just needed to get one thing out of the way first.

"Momo, are you a virgin?" Kenpachi asked in a husky tone, Momo's blushed got hotter.

"Well no…Captain Aizen and I once…" Momo began, Kenpachi didn't need to hear another word. He pulled his hips back and slammed into the small girl. Momo let a cry as Kenpachi buried himself in her heat. God he was like a hot iron rod. Kenpachi silled when he felt Momo's wetness roll around him, how long had it been since he'd been with a woman? Besides in a fight. Too long was the answer to that question. Kenpachi broke loose and went to town pummeling into the shrieking girl. Having being pinned under Kenpachi, Momo was completely at his mercy. And she liked it. The time where she had done it with Captain Aizen, he was so gentle. Momo didn't want gentle. She wanted wild, uncut, rough sex. And that was something Kenpachi could provide. Holding himself in a push-up position, Kenpachi tore into Momo's hilt. Unfortunately being pinned under Kenpachi, Momo couldn't arch upward so she felt pressure building in her abdomen. Kenpachi bit his lip as he rode Momo like thorough breed. Momo's legs began to cramp from being held at such an awkward angle. Kenpachi grabbed on the headboard, while holding both Momo's wrists in one hand. This gave him better leaverage, Kenpachi plowed into the moaning Momo. She was egging him on.

"Fuck! Ken-pach…Harder! Your cock feels so good! Faster!" Momo screamed, for someone so innocent, she certainly had a dirty mouth. That's ok. Kenpachi liked a dirty woman. Her comments where making his balls tighten, finally he was done holding back. Kenpachi slammed his body into Momo's sweet core. Momo stiffened beneath him, her orgasm was taking over. She closed her eyes and spoke nonsense words as Kenpachi got in the last few thrusts. A jet stream of semen shot from Kenpachi's cock into Momo, filling her completely. Kenpachi rolled off of Momo and lie beside her. It didn't work, he was still a teenager. Kenpachi was too tired to try to do anything about it, a quick hour of rest wouldn't kill him. Momo was already unconscious (again), Kenpachi managed to fuck Momo into conniption before her body just gave out. Kenpachi let his flutter closed.

While the couple slept something amazing had accoured, Kenpachi grew back into his adult form! And, if not, aged a few years. Well, he'll see it when he wakes up. But he was still going to kill Mayuri.

**Lemony:** The diary! Now!

**Wicked:** Alright, alright! Here take the stupid thing, it wasn't that interesting anyway.

**Awesome:** Speak for yourself, I like entry #45 "100 things I find sexy about Jushiro Ukitake." I didn't know you like sickly guys!

**Lemony:** *points hairdryer at reader* and don't forget to review me.


	7. Horribly Wrong, The Final Chapter

**Lemony:** I'm sad.

**Wicked:** Your never sad? Are you sick?

**Awesome:** No, she's really sad. This is the last chapter.

**Lemony:** This chapter is dedicated to everyone who reviewed me. Especially you cazcappy! Lemony loves you!

**Wicked:** That reminds me, to answer your question cazcappy, in Lemony's diary she says she would dip Toshiro in chocolate and lick it off of him.

**Lemony:** you've got copies of my dairy don't you?

**Wicked:** Yup!

**Lemony:** *Runs to get hairdryer*

Captain Zaraki was the last straw. Yammamoto demanded that he cure ALL the captains. If his precious captains weren't cured by the end of the day, Mayuri could count on running for his life.

Mayuri feverishly worked in his lab trying to determine the best possible way to cure each captain. So Toshiro had hot flashes, Unohana had a Freddy Krugar complex, Byakuya was an imbecile, Aizen turned into a monkey, Kenpachi transformed into a teenager, and Shunshui had no effect.

Mayuri carefully thought of cures for each Captain. For hot and bothered Toshiro (no pun intended) Mayuri suggested he release in freezing cold environment. A reluctant female of Division 12 saw to that. She wasn't so reluctant once Toshiro got his hands on her.

As for Unohana, Mayuri drugged her so that she had no choice but to sleep. Although she was moaning and groaning and withering in her sleep, Unohana managed to calm down and stayed in peaceful rest. Who knew Unohana snored like a grown man.

Poor Byakuya was forced to hang upside down for hours on end to try to get some blood flowing to his head instead of his cock. Once he body evened itself out, Byakuya was back to his same old stuffy self. Granted, he threatened everyone with death if they spoke a word of this again.

As for Aizen, he was had to eat bananas non-stop to suppress his primate urges until they no longer existed . Banana pudding, banana pie, banana juice, banana soup, banana yogurt, banana cereal with banana milk. Your banana, my banana! Aizen swore on his life he saw another banana he was going bankai no questions asked!

Kenpachi was unique case. He had to listen 'Teenagers scare the living shit outa me' over and over and over before his mind became fully adult, thus forcing his body to do so. Kenpachi swore once he got outa here he was going to strangle the next teenager he saw. No wonder he never thought about his childhood!

Shunshui, however, sat back and watched envious of the fact that all the other captains got laid and he spent the day molesting his hand with a copy of PlayShingami. Life was just not fair. Science sucks.

Fully cured the Captains were released, but not before each of them took turns sticking their foot up Mayuri's ass! Mayuri had never been threatened so much in his life, he took his beating and promised to never perform anymore biochemical experiments because they have a tendency to go horribly wrong.

One Week Later…

BOOOOOMMMMMM!

"Nemu, I have done it!"

End?

**Lemony:** Thanks for reading! Nin-Ni Chan I hoped you enjoyed it!


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